I begin this process once again. Picking up my pen and allowing my heart to flow. Writing is Something that was so near to my heart that I had let go. I have missed the writing. I have missed the intimacy of allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through me. I have missed the vulnerability of allowing truth to speak through words.
I’m not sure where to start. Writing used to be as much a part of my life as having a meal. And then new things took its place. They were good things. Helping people. Breathing life into those who were broken. Founding and growing a nonprofit into a movement in a community consumed me. I worked hard very hard at what God guided me to. I was diligent, persistent, obedient, and it was fruitful. I founded and grew the nonprofit Light of Hope, after the death of my daughter Ashley. It was her legacy, it was my heartbeat. My husband and I poured our lives into this every day. We created this for the community. We impacted lives and moved mountains in ways we never thought we could. We had a team of people surrounding us and supporting us on the same mission. I was astounded at what God could do when you allow him to do it. My focus was all on the nonprofit and I thought I had succeeded.
And then the shift begin happening. The unsettling, the stress, the heavy weight, the uncertainties, the road blocks, the questions. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my spirit. You know the nudge in your heart, yet as humans we doubt the nudge. We know God is trying to move us, but we fight it anyway. We know that things need to change, but we don’t want to make ourselves uncomfortable. I fought this battle for so long, until God grabbed me and told me very clearly to move.
Moving from a comfortable place of leadership and recognition is very difficult. Not only is the move difficult, but when you release the very thing you created for the legacy of your daughter, and it goes unnoticed, you realize you’re very much alone. It becomes heartbreak.
Following God‘s heart is not easy. Obedience is the narrow way. But my pathway will always walk to the One who created me, no matter how difficult the journey.
So I guess I start with the vulnerable truth, and admitting that I am in a very broken place right now. I’m in a place of uncertainty, but with certainty, because I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be. As hard as this feels, I am learning exactly who I am, and yearning to find who I want to become. God is pruning me. And as I am walking through this season, I will share my heart with you, and we can walk through this journey together in true surrender.
Layla Freeman
© Layla Freeman 2024
Author of HOPE IN THE STRUGGLE and Layla’s Light
All Rights Reserved
P.O. Box 669 Claremore, OK 74018
Facebook – Layla’s Light
Twitter – @laylaslight
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